The Lane I Travel Feels Alone
by CupOfAngst
Summary: He knew he was a mistake. He wasn't meant to exist. He's lived with this knowledge for years. But now…he doesn't want to live with it anymore. [One-shot for now]


**Warnings:** Attempted suicide

**Rating:** T (for language and sensitive material)

**Disclaimer: **The Amazing World of Gumball is property of Cartoon Network and Ben Bocquelet. I make no profit from these writings.

**Note: **The title of this story comes from the lyrics of the song, "1-800-273-8255" by Logic, which was a heavy inspiration for this story.

* * *

At fifteen years old, Rob would have thought he'd be living quite a different life to the one he was living now, though calling it a life hardly seemed appropriate. Ever since the tender age of six, he had had many dreams and ambitions of what he wanted to be, and what he wanted to do. He had always wanted to leave his mark on the world, to have the comfort of knowing that when he looked back on his life, he didn't simply exist without ever contributing anything meaningful. He had always been shy, and sometimes a little awkward, but he had lived his life determined not to let it hinder him from accomplishing his goals, whatever those goals may be.

And now? Everything was different. If slowly fading into the background of the world around him wasn't bad enough, the time he spent cast into a never-ending world of nothingness, along with all the other world's 'mistakes', was enough to set his identity in stone: he was a nobody, a _mistake. _He had never believed in fate before that point in his life. He had always thought _he _was in control of his own life.

"_I'm sorry, what was your name again?"_

"_Oh, are you new to this school? I don't remember seeing you here before."_

"_Hey, what's up…Rick?"_

"_Do I know you?"_

Rob clenched his fists, his single eye narrowing slightly as he silently kept his steady pace along the busy sidewalk. Though he had left the Void two years ago, the affect it had left on his psyche was still fresh and raw, nightmares of the ordeal still a nightly occurrence. He had kept a low profile for the last year, scraping together what little bit of money he could find just to survive day to day. He made a point to avoid Gumball's favorite hangouts, as the little blue cat was always determined to elicit a reaction from the cyclops. To him, they were 'nemeses', and he felt inclined to always remind him of the fact. The little twerp _loved _it, and he was certain the corrupted cyclops loved it, too.

To Gumball's credit, he _had _given him a purpose, but he knew from the start he was lying to himself. Gumball was an easy target for his transgressions, but he was hardly the single cause of his problems. Yes, he had forgotten his name countless times, but the entire world had decided he wasn't valuable, after all. He couldn't, in all fairness, blame only Gumball for that. The boy could be selfish and short-sighted, but he knew he meant well deep down. He knew he didn't deliberately ignore him in the Void, and he had even been willing to come back for him when he had used the universal remote to eject him back into the Void. He had every reason to leave him behind, but he had risked his very existence to save him. He couldn't hate him…no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he did. It was Gumball, after all, whose friendship he had craved the most. Maybe at one point in his life he had even craved something more.

What sort of future did he have now? Did he not simply exist now? Just taking up oxygen and not contributing anything meaningful to this world? A meaningless life had been his greatest fear, along with being forgotten.

The teen looked up, noticing he was approaching the corner of an intersection. He slowly eased his way into the growing crowd of people waiting to cross the street, though their presence hardly registered. What was he even doing right now? What was his goal today, aside from just surviving? It seemed like he had been wandering around aimlessly all day, if only to escape the confines of his own mind. He had been doing that a lot lately, in fact. He couldn't tolerate silence anymore. Too much quiet meant too many opportunities for his darkest thoughts to take hold in his mind and weigh him down.

He always wondered if he had stayed in the Void long enough, would he have eventually ceased to exist? No body, no consciousness, nothing. Just gone.

He had to admit, nonexistence sounded like a blessing right now.

The boy looked up through a gap in the crowd, his single eye settling on the pedestrian indicator signal, waiting for the green 'WALK' signal to flash on the screen. The crowd of people seemed to be closing in around him, their elbows knocking against his face and prompting slight static shocks against his temples. He clenched his fists tighter, inhaling to calm himself. When the signal finally changed, Rob felt the crowd of people shuffle past him, eager to get where they needed to be. He started to move with the group, taking a step towards the curb, but then he hesitated, watching the group move along across the intersection, leaving him behind on the sidewalk. His gaze shifted towards the signal again, watching the countdown timer finally tick down to 1. As the traffic eased through the intersection again, he continued standing in uncertain silence. He would have several more chances to cross the intersection, but still he remained where he stood, his gaze eventually settling on his feet as he drowned out the sounds of joyful chatter and the humming of car engines.

How nice it would be indeed…to just not exist anymore. If he truly was a mistake…if his existence in this world added no notable value, then really…what was the point? Perhaps ridding this world of his unnecessary presence was the only valuable thing he could ever do. He couldn't go back to the Void, as that had been a fate worse than death. So why not choose death?

The distant sound of a screeching tire caught his attention and he looked up and towards the left, noticing a car, still a fair distance away, approaching the intesehction at a speed he was certain was well over the speed limit. Rob turned his attention to the front again, feeling an eerie sense of calm envelop him as he bowed his head and took his first step across the intersection, the red 'DON'T WALK' signal still flashing brightly on the other side. The car continued towards the intersection, the driver momentarily taking his eyes off the road as his coffee slipped from his hand and spilled onto his lap.

The world seemed to fade around him. Soon there would be nothing. No more nightmares, no more panic attacks, no more self-loathing, and most of all…no more existing in a world where he didn't serve a purpose. He held his breath, hoping the end would be quick.

"ROB, NO!"

He knew the owner of the voice before he even opened his eye. He shouldn't have been surprised to see the blue cat racing towards him, but he still couldn't help but gape as the smaller boy closed the distance between them at breakneck speed. He shoved him with such force it sent him flying off his feet, the bumper of the car barely clipping his foot as his butt hit the sidewalk.

The sounds he heard after that he knew he'd never forget: the loud thunk of a body slamming against metal, the sound of glass cracking, the loud screeching of tires, and finally the sound of a body hitting asphalt. But probably even more gut-wrenching than that was the sound of Penny's shrill cry as she dashed out into the street to the fallen Gumball, who now lay completely motionless.

"GUMBALL!" she screamed. "GUMBALL, LOOK AT ME! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

Rob's chest began to heave as his breathing quickened. He looked around as he noticed a horrified crowd beginning to form on all corners of the intersection. The driver of the car threw open the door and raced outside in a panic, shouting tearful apologies as he approached the children. Rob could feel himself shaking as his gaze refocused on the crumpled heap that was Gumball's battered body. "N…N-No…No way…Why…?" he whispered shakily. "I…"

Suddenly, he felt a pair of hands sliding under his arms and hoisting him to his feet. He could vaguely hear a voice asking if he was okay, but he said little to acknowledge it. His eye never left the horrific scene in front of him, though it was hard to keep himself balanced. As the crowds grew bigger and started to obstruct his view, the cyclops staggered back, the brick wall of a building preventing him from completely falling to the ground. He clutched at his chest as he rasped, almost certain he was having an anxiety attack. His panic grew and he slid to the ground, though no one seemed to take notice of him. _Why, why, why, why? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?! WHY FOR ME?!_

He would never be able to get that vision of Gumball's face out of his mind. That look of absolute horror and desperation as he sprinted towards him, his arms outstretched to push him out of harm's way. "Why?" he whispered, clenching his teeth as tears stung his eye. "You…You idiot. Just…_why?_"

Eventually, the blaring siren of an ambulance drowned out his thoughts and he managed to stagger to his feet, gripping the wall for balance. He stumbled forward a few steps, managing to make his way through the crowd of bystanders to see Gumball being loaded up in the ambulance, Penny throwing herself inside with him. As the doors closed behind them, Rob could feel his heart rate quickening again and his chest tighten with a growing sense of dread. As far as he could tell, the boy was still alive when they loaded him into the ambulance, but for how long was the question.

Had he stayed behind, the cops who had arrived on the scene moments earlier would have likely questioned him about what he saw, but he couldn't stay here anymore. Though his legs felt like jello, he managed to will them to carry his weight with determined speed to the hospital.

0oooooo0

He was out of breath by the time he arrived and he was shaking all over, but he managed to carry himself over to the reception desk, startling a staff. "P-Please…I…." He rasped, still trying to catch his breath. "G-Gumball Watterson. Is…Is he all right?" It felt as though someone had shoved cotton balls down his throat.

"Are you a relative?"

"I…I…" Rob coughed again, stepping away from the desk.

"Are you all right, young man?"

The cyclops nodded as he heaved again. "Excuse me," he hissed as he raced to the nearest water fountain to soothe the rawness in his throat. After gulping down enough water to fill a pitcher, Rob rested his hands on both sides of the fountain, droplets of water dripping from his chin as he let his breathing steady.

Familiar voices suddenly came into earshot, their tones frantic and loud.

"WHERE IS HE?! WHERE'S MY BABY?!"

Rob reacted quickly, ducking into the nearest hallway to avoid being seen by the Watterson family. As he peeked around the corner, he could see a teary-eyed Nicole demanding to know the condition of her son, while her husband Richard stood at her side, ears flattened against his head and wringing his hands nervously. Gumball's siblings stood at their side, Anais keeping calm but still very noticeably distressed. Darwin, however, was a complete wreck.

The family reluctantly retreated to the waiting area, leaving Rob feeling as though he was trapped. Did they know? Had Penny gotten in contact with them? If they knew the circumstances surrounding the situation, then it was reasonable to suspect they would all lash out at him the moment they saw him. He was the reason Gumball was fighting for his life right now, after all.

Speaking of Penny, it wasn't long before she finally reappeared through one of the various corridors leading into the lobby, finding the Watterson family in the waiting room and rushing over to join them. Though he couldn't make out what they were saying, he still watched with baited breath as Penny appeared to be explaining the situation to the distraught family. His throat tightened, wondering if she had mentioned him. Eventually, Nicole took her into her arms and held her sobbing form tightly. Rob placed a hand against his stomach, fearing he may start vomiting.

At the other end of the hallway, he spotted a vending machine. Lucky enough to have a few quarters on his person, he shuffled his way towards the machine. His stomach nearly lurched at the thought of food, but he shoved the quarters into the slot anyway and selected a pack of saltine crackers. His hands shook as he fished the pack out of the machine, still unsure if he'd be able to hold the food down. He ate out of desperation for a distraction, walking as he did so in order to kill time. He shuffled his way down hallway after hallway, popping another cracker into his mouth every time he finished the last. Between walking and eating, he found himself finally beginning to calm. His heart didn't beat quite so fast now, and the nervous shaking began to ebb away. He contemplated stepping outside for a moment to breathe some fresh air, but he found himself yearning to move back to the vicinity of the waiting area. If any news were to drop of Gumball's condition, he wanted to be close by when it happened.

The pack of crackers reduced to a few crumbs, Rob started making his way back, trying his best to push down the swell of anxiety as Gumball's family came into view again. Much to his relief, he didn't have to wait long before a nurse came to address the family. He strained to hear what she was saying, but judging from the family's expressions, he was able to ascertain that Gumball was at least still alive.

"_Room 304."_

That was the only thing he had managed to catch from the nurse. He watched as everyone all hurried out of the waiting area and scurried down the corridor where Penny had emerged from just minutes earlier. He was left with the decision to follow, the fear of being reprimanded by Gumball's loved ones still weighing him down, but he knew he'd get no rest if he chose to walk away.

Finally making his way down the corridor, Rob made his way over to the elevator.

0oooooo0

Despite the clocks mounted on the walls, Rob had lost all track of time. He started to suspect he'd end up spending the night in this damn hospital. The only solace he had during his hours spent keeping out of the Wattersons' sight was knowing Gumball was still alive, but he was still left wondering just how bad his condition was.

Members of Gumball's family would come and go from his hospital room, sometimes seeking out one of the vending machines or making their way into the restroom. Penny would also emerge from the room occasionally to grab a snack before quickly dashing back into the room. Darwin almost never left the room, but when he did, Rob couldn't help but wince at how miserable he looked. He knew the boys were close, but he realized in that moment just how inseparable they really were.

Gumball's visitors grew as the afternoon progressed into the evening. His classmates filed in one by one, some of them carrying flowers. Mr. Small had even stopped by to check on him. It was clear that despite the boy's shenanigans, he was still clearly very beloved by many in the school. He felt utterly ashamed for the sting of jealousy he felt, but it was out of his control. The boy had everything he didn't. He had friends, a loving family, and a girlfriend who was devoted to him. His existence meant something.

The cyclops grimaced, mentally chiding himself for his own selfish feelings. He tried to busy himself for the next hour, still hoping there would be an opportunity for him to sneak a visit into the feline's room to see for himself just how bad his condition was. He was starting to think he may never get that chance, however.

He was almost completely oblivious to everything going on around him, but a familiar voice still managed to break through his jumbled thoughts.

"Are you going to come and see him, or not?"

The voice was soft, and yet it still managed to startle him. "I-I…What?" He stuttered as he spun around to face the source of the voice.

Penny stood before him, her eyes tired and bloodshot. "You've been here all day," she said, making him gape in shock.

"You…You knew?"

The smallest of smiles pulled at the corner of her mouth. "I've seen you duck in and out of hallways. I'm guessing you've been waiting for the right opportunity? I figured you didn't want us knowing you were here."

"I-I…well, I mean…I didn't think any of you would want to see me. You…You saw what happened. It was my fault."

Penny took a careful step towards him, a knowing look in her eyes that made him shiver. "I saw more than you think," she said gently, her hands itching to reach out to him. "That wasn't an accident…was it, Rob? You deliberately stepped in front of that car."

His heart plummeted into his stomach and the moisture in his mouth seemed to evaporate in an instant. He felt himself begin to shake, and Penny quickly moved to place a hand against his arm, ignoring the slight shock of static.

"Easy," she soothed.

"I…I didn't…I didn't know he'd…I just…"

"It's okay, Rob."

"No, it's not!" the boy squeaked as he pulled away from her, his hands flying up to grab at his head. "He could have died because of me! I'm…I'm not supposed to exist! I don't matter! _He _matters, don't you understand?! He's the important one! I DON'T MATTER AND I NEVER WILL! WHY WOULD HE THROW HIS LIFE AWAY FOR A MISTAKE?!"

Penny moved in a flash, grabbing the taller teen tightly and securing him in a crushing embrace. He went limp in her arms, his entire frame shuddering with each sob he unleashed. He caught a few people looking their way, but he paid them no mind.

"Gumball doesn't think that," Penny whispered to him, rubbing circles against his back. As she pulled away from him, she smiled sweetly. "And I know he'd want you there with him." She took his hand in hers and silently led the way to Gumball's room, giving him no chance to protest. "Don't worry, his family already left. I insisted they go home and rest."

"What about you? You look exhausted."

She smiled over her shoulder. "I'd rather be here."

As they stepped into the room, Rob could feel a familiar heaviness in the air. He took a step towards the bed where the young feline resided, horrified by the sight of him. The boy lay completely still, the only sign of movement being the slow rise and fall of his chest. He saw that his left wrist had a brace, and his head was heavily wrapped in bandages.

"How…How bad?"

"Well, he has two broken ribs and a really nasty cut on the head, along with quite a few other scrapes and contusions. He'll be in the hospital a few days."

Rob dragged himself over to the boy, leaning over the bed to get a better look at him. He couldn't hold back a grimace. "H-Has he…woken up at all?" he asked quietly, managing to keep the question from coming out in the form of a sob.

"Off and on. The more he sleeps, the better." The girl startled as she watched Rob stumble away from the bed, shaking his head rapidly. "Rob?"

Rob retreated to the other side of the room, hugging himself tightly. "Why did he have to do this? Why couldn't he just let me die in peace?"

Penny frowned deeply. "I don't think going through the windshield of a car would have been the most peaceful way to go," she replied softly.

"Maybe not…but it was still my choice. I'm not supposed to be here! The world would be better off without me here! No one would have cared!"

Rob gasped as he felt Penny grab his arm and spin him around. Keeping her gaze locked with his, she lifted a hand and pointed at the cat lying in the hospital bed just a few feet away. "Look at him! Do you think he'd be lying in that bed right now if he didn't care?! You're all he ever talks about, Rob! You mean something to him! Can you not see that?!"

"I'm…I'm just a source of amusement for him! He cares more about this whole 'nemesis' thing than I do! It makes him feel important," the teen retorted, though the denial was easy to detect in his tone.

"You don't really think that," Penny replied confidently. "Maybe it started out that way, but do you really think Gumball would risk his own life to save you if he only wanted to use you to make himself feel important?" She closed her eyes and sighed. "He's been worried sick about you. He _knew _something was wrong. He stopped caring about whether or not you were going to 'get your revenge' on him a long time ago. He just wanted to know if you were okay."

Rob placed a hand over his eye to hide his tears, bowing his head. "I just…I didn't think he…God, why would he do this? For _me?_"

Penny smiled. "It wouldn't be the first time he's pushed someone he loved out of the way of an oncoming vehicle."

Rob removed his hand from his eye, lifting his head slightly to look at the girl. Loved?

"Penny…"

Gumball's hoarse voice quickly grabbed their attention. For a moment, Rob contemplated fleeing, but Penny was quick to take a firm hold of his hand.

"I'm here, Gumball." She looked back at the cyclops and smiled. "And you have a new visitor." She led the reluctant teen over to her boyfriend's bedside, almost feeling his anxiety radiating through his palm.

"Um…hey," Rob murmured as the younger boy's bloodshot eyes settled on him. In an instant, there was a spark of life in those eyes, and a smile broke across his face as he took in the sight of the cyclops standing before him.

"Dude…you're okay."

"Y-Yeah," Rob replied as he rubbed his arm awkwardly. He watched as Penny moved closer to the bed and bent over to kiss the cat's forehead.

"I think you two need some time to talk," she said. "I'm gonna head to the cafeteria and get something hot to eat. I'll be back soon."

The shapeshifter caught Rob's eye as she walked past him, her gaze a look of encouragement. She smiled at both of them before closing the door behind her as she left. Rob immediately missed her presence, as he didn't know what he could possibly say to the cat in front of him.

"Are you okay?" he heard him ask and he snapped his head around to gaze wide-eyed at the boy.

"Me? Am _I _okay? You're lying in a hospital bed, Watterson! You could have been killed!"

"Eh…I'm used to near-death experiences," the feline replied dismissively. This only fueled Rob's frustration.

"This isn't a joke, damn it! Why would you do that?! Why for me?!"

Gumball looked at him sadly before trying to adjust himself into a more comfortable position, but this only managed to cause himself more pain.

"Stop!" Rob shouted desperately as he heard the feline groan with his movements.

Gumball sighed, shaking his head. "I know you probably think I'm an idiot, and honestly…sometimes I am. I'm oblivious to a lot of things…but not this. I saw what happened, Rob. You didn't accidentally walk in front of that car."

The seriousness in the cat's tone sent a chill down the older teen's spine. It was no surprise that Penny had been wise to his actions, but knowing that Gumball knew made his stomach flip.

"I…"

Gumball's eyes appeared moist and Rob had to quickly turn away.

"I shouldn't exist, Gumball. This world is obviously better off without me. There's clearly nothing of value I can give to it. Everyone forgot who I was…I faded away. I can't go on just existing. I wanted to _do _something with my life. I wanted it to mean something."

"It _does _mean something. It meant something to me, at least." The boy sighed again as he turned his head towards the window. "I'm just sorry I couldn't see that sooner…before the Void."

Rob grit his teeth and squeezed his eye shut, his entire frame trembling as he fought back a sob. He didn't want to fall apart in front of Gumball of all people, but it was proving more and more difficult.

"Look, man…I don't know what I can say. I mean, you've lost everything…all because of me. Sorry doesn't even begin to cover it."

Rob suddenly grabbed the arm of a chair and loudly dragged it across the floor towards the bed, taking a seat. Resting his elbows against the bed, he laced his hands together and pressed them against his forehead as he searched the deepest depths of his mind for the right words. "I stopped being angry a long time ago, Gumball," he said softly. "I wasn't _okay_ with it…I just wasn't angry about it anymore." Rob lowered his hands to look at the cat. "But at least my anger kept me going. Now I'm just…tired. Tired of existing. The Void was hell, but each day that goes by, I feel more and more out of place."

Gumball looked at him seriously. "Dude…I don't care if you're my nemesis, or my friend, or…or _whatever! _All I know is I want you here. _Please _promise me you won't ever do something like that again."

Rob opened his mouth to respond but he quickly closed it again. His vision blurred with more tears but he made no effort to shield them from the other boy's view. He let down his already crumbling defenses and finally gave in to his own despair, letting himself fall against the bed as he sobbed into the sheets. He vaguely felt a paw touch the top of his head, but he paid it no mind. Instead, he took comfort in the gentle touch, as comfort of any sort was a hard thing to come by. "It's okay," he heard the other boy say over his heavy sobs. As time passed, his sobbing turned into soft whimpers and sniffles, and he finally lifted his face from the tear-soaked sheets to gaze at the other boy.

"So…what, then?" he whispered hoarsely, shrugging. "What am I supposed to do? Where do I even go from here?"

"That's up to you, man," the cat answered honestly with a subtle shrug. "I can't make that decision for you."

"But…I mean…I'm not supposed to exist."

Gumball frowned as he felt helpless over what to say. "Well…I say you are!" he retorted defiantly. What more could he say to that? "You matter, you're important, and you're _not _a nobody!" When the cyclops didn't respond, Gumball quickly added, "I asked you to promise me to never do something like that again. Are you going to promise me that…or not?"

Rob's eyes still felt wet, but he managed to blink away the potential tears. "Do you only want me around so you can feel important?" There was a subtle bite to his words, to which Gumball appeared genuinely hurt.

"Dude, what did I just say?! I don't care if we're nemeses, okay? I don't care if you try to destroy me and everything I love!" The boy lifted a paw to rub the space between his eyes. "I don't care about feeling important, I care about _you! _When are you going to get that?!"

Rob shrunk back slightly, somewhat surprised the boy even had the strength to shout. His gaze quickly fell to his lap, where his shaking hands now resided. His fingers laced and unlaced as he felt a familiar tightness in his throat.

"Rob…?"

The older teen slowly lifted his head, his gaze reluctantly meeting the feline's.

"I…I promise, okay? If you think I have a purpose here…then I'll stay."

Gumball appeared to release every bit of tension in his body as a relieved smile graced his battered features. It was a smile Rob felt compelled to return, though it was laced with uncertainty.

As the air grew somewhat awkward with the extended silence, Rob finally moved his hand from his lap, sliding it across the bed before gently placing it on Gumball's.

"OH, GOD, THE PAIN!" the cat cried dramatically, causing the older boy to withdraw his hand and practically throw himself out of his chair. Within seconds, he heard impish giggling and he growled in anger. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist," Gumball snickered.

"You are such a little shit," Rob mumbled irritably as he relaxed again, maintaining his look of frustration for as long as he could before the younger boy's infectious giggles chipped it all away. Soon, he was chuckling as well, his hand once again finding its way back to Gumball's.

"Will you stay?" the feline finally asked as his giggle fit subsided, his eyes longing. "Here, I mean," he clarified.

Rob smiled as he shrugged. "Where else would I go?" He leaned down to rest his chin on his arm, feeling his eyelid become heavy. After a few moments, he heard Gumball's breathing even out, and he knew he was asleep again. He could still feel the boy's paw lightly gripping his hand, and he found himself smiling as he too succumbed to sleep.

Penny returned about a half hour later, content to find that Rob had not left and now appeared to be sleeping at Gumball's beside.

After softly shutting the door, Penny promptly went to retrieve two spare blankets from the supply closet and very quietly made her way over to them, gently draping one of the blankets over Rob's shoulders. He shifted slightly but did not wake. Penny moved to the other side of the bed, grabbing the spare chair and silently placing right up against the bed. She made a quick check to make sure Gumball was comfortable before curling up in the chair beside him, wrapping herself in the fleece blanket.

"Hey, Penny," she heard Gumball murmur as he stirred.

The girl winced slightly, having hoped he wouldn't wake. She smiled nonetheless.

"How is he? Did you guys talk?" she asked him quietly, while casting a brief glance at Rob to make sure he was still asleep.

Gumball's face fell. "I can't really say he's okay. He said he wouldn't try to hurt himself again, but…"

Penny looked at him seriously. "His issues aren't something that can be solved in one day, Gumball. No matter how much he may heal, he's going to have scars."

Gumball looked down at the sleeping cyclops and then back over at Penny. "What else can I do?"

Penny's eyes became soft. "Be there for him. You're all he has."

* * *

SUICIDE HOTLINE: 1-800-273-8255

**Note:** I've been binge watching The Amazing World of Gumball and catching up on all the episodes I haven't seen and my love for this ship has been reawakened. But naturally, I have to write something angsty because I don't know how to write anything else! :-P


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